Wednesday, October 11, 2017

snakes and stones

Dear Nahum,


Last month I came across the Bible passage from Matthew that speaks of our good Father in heaven. It reads,

"Is there anyone among you who, 
if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 
Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 
If you then, although you are evil, 
know how to give good gifts to your children, 
how much more will your Father in heaven 
give good gifts to those who ask him!" 

The passage stung, because of course my first thoughts were:

I asked my Father in heaven for a healthy baby and I got a sick one.
I asked my Father in heaven for living baby and I got a dead one.
If my Father in heaven likes to give good gifts to His children, and if a baby is a good gift, then why didn't I get what I asked for?

When I remember holding your cold, bruised body and then watch another mom holding her warm, cooing baby, I'm not going to lie — it feels like I was given a cold, hard stone to chew on, instead of the warm loaf of bread I requested. I wondered how I could reconcile this passage with my experience, Nahum.

But one day when I was looking for the Matthew passage, I realized that Luke mentioned a similar saying of Jesus. The beginning sounds like what Matthew recorded, but Luke wraps it up with a phrase that perhaps helps me to understand what Matthew was meaning.

"What father among you, if your son asks for a fish, 
will give him a snake instead of a fish? 
Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 
If you then, although you are evil, 
know how to give good gifts to your children, 
how much more will the heavenly Father 
give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

No, I did not get the "good gift" of a warm, healthy child — but the specific "good gift" I am guaranteed to receive is the one Luke mentions — the Holy Spirit. And Him, I did receive! His peace, His joy, and His comfort surrounded me. The midwives said I was more peaceful than they were, during your delivery. When I held you for the first time, I felt overwhelmed with joy. When it came time to leave your body behind at the hospital, I wept salty tears over you, but still I knew God's deep comfort. And I still receive His peace, joy and comfort every day.

This is His good gift: because I have His Holy Spirit, it is well with my soul!

Mom