Friday, July 14, 2017

goodness and mercy

Dear Nahum,

A few weeks before you were born, the words at the end of Psalm 23 tripped me up: "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me, all the days of my life..." 

"All the days of my life, God?"
I almost could not believe those words, as I prepared for your delivery.
"What about the day when my newborn son dies?"
"What kind of goodness and mercy will I see on that day, God?"
I couldn't really imagine it.

Last night, as I prepared a slideshow for the celebration of your life, I remembered Psalm 23:6 again. My thoughts from a few weeks ago came back to me, and I realized that even on the day of your birth and death, God's goodness and mercy followed me. 

Here are a few significant ways in which I noticed it:
  • Even though the hours before you were born were difficult, God was good to give me a clear enough mind, a settled enough spirit and a strong enough body to carry through to the end of the delivery. 
  • In His mercy, God timed your 7:33am birth perfectly. Fresh staff was just starting their morning shift and helped the tired staff who were finishing a long night with us. When the midwives were running out of ideas to know how to encourage you to come, new midwives and doctors showed up to help. Also, our friends on this side of the pond were just waking up right around the time we needed prayer the most. They checked their phones and prayed us through the last hour before you were born. 
  • You got stuck making your exit, and the doctors decided I needed to be put under general anaesthetic for you to be removed. But minutes before I was to be put under general anaesthetic, God gave me one more contraction and you came sliding out miraculously. I was finally relieved from incredible pain the moment you came out, and Dad was not left to cry over your body while waiting for me to awake from the anaesthetic — I will forever be thankful for this miracle of mercy.
  • When I first held you on my chest, God gave me fullness of joy. You made me a mother and just being able to see you, touch you, and hold you was gift of God's goodness. I think I expected to weep upon seeing you (as when I saw you, I could see your head was damaged) but somehow I could only smile over you, and gush over you. What a wonderful boy you were, and are!
God's Word proved my fainting heart wrong again. God's goodness and mercy followed me, even on the day of your birth and death, and always will — all the days of my life!