Friday, October 21, 2016

already known, already loved

Dear Little One,

Did you know that Dad and I dreamed about you long before we knew anything about you? Even when I wasn't much more than a baby myself, I thought about baby names that I liked. Before I knew your dad, I prayed for the children I might someday have. Before we got married, we talked about ideas about children and how to raise them, and after we were married we started a list of baby names on each of our phones.

This year seemed like the ideal one for you to come along: we moved into an apartment with a second bedroom, Dad started his first job outside of the university, and I studied German 20 hours per week so I could integrate better here in Germany.

When I first told Dad I thought you existed, he was pleased but skeptical. The two lines on the home pregnancy test, or talk of a weird feeling in my back or stomach weren't enough to convince him. When I finally came home from the doctor's office with your eight-week sonogram and told him I had heard your heartbeat, he was convinced. How we treasure that first picture of you! The doctor said you looked like an Erdnuss Flip or a gummi bear (very German analogies) and that made us laugh.

We loved you from the beginning, Little One. Even from before the beginning, before you existed. We loved even the thought of you. It makes me wonder how much more love God must have for you, because He knew everything about you before we knew anything. He loved you before there was time.

You are already known, and already loved.

Mom and Dad